Dear Baby - 24 Weeks

24w

Dear Baby,

On Monday, your dad went to pick up his new bike. No, he is not 10, but he will play with you just the same. While we were at the bicycle shop, a guy behind the desk asked me if I wanted to sit down. I of course accepted and he proceeded to tell me that he didn't want to deliver any babies there and when are you due? I told him the beginning of September and he immediately said, "Oh, BIG baby huh?". As much as I wanted to turn into the snarky bitch that I am, I played along. "Yep, I think he is going to be a big one, he he ha ha." Was that a compliment? I am not sure, but GOLLY GEE, how nice of him to point out the fact that I am huge. Except that I am not. So the lesson here today baby, is to think before you speak. Don't become the man behind the counter at the bike shop.

Guess what?! Your face is complete. I feel like I should be doing robot arms when I type that. Your eyes, though still closed, are now close together and your ears are in their final resting spot. According to the ALWAYS AGREEING websites I read, you weigh anywhere between 1.5-2 pounds and are about 14 inches long. The walls of your lungs are secreting surfactant - a lubricant that will help your lungs inflate when it's time. Just keep inhaling that amniotic fluid for now though and get plenty of practice to scream your little head off when you make your way out of me and into the world of oxygen.

Speaking of leaving me, as much as I love having you inside of me where you are safe and warm and free of David Archuletta's horrible attempts at singing, it is becoming more apparent to me that you WILL have to come out at some point. I have prided myself so far on the fact that I am not scared at all for labor but I will admit that as it gets closer, it is a little freaky. You have to COME OUT OF ME. There are two options here and I hope that you chose the easier one (more about that tomorrow) but I promise, though I would be disappointed, I will still love you if you choose the other option. So far, I think you are confused. Belly button - not an option. Side of abdomen - try again. You have plenty of time to learn though and at the rate you are going I don't think you will have trouble.

You have 16 more weeks of poking, kicking and squirming to figure out that down is the best way out.