Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
This is officially the last post here. Head on over to my new blog for a good time.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Mealtime has definitely been a challenge lately since my GREAT eater off all things pureed has turned into a picky eater. Enter Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious. Works like a freaking charm. I am finding new ways to hide veggies in EVERYTHING. This even makes life easier for me because I prepare the purees ahead of time, freeze and then mix into whatever I am making.
Look for recipes, stories and outcomes on the new blog coming soon! Sorry to be a tease but I am SUPER busy this week!!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Babies totally don't care about toys that were actually made for them. Okay, sometimes they do, but most of the time? Most of the time they think that every day items are waaaay better. Take the remote for example. Do you think Mason plays with his Elmo remote? Hells no. He would much rather change the channel and mess up our input settings on the regular remotes. Paper bags? HOURS of entertainment. Keys, water bottles, trash cans, coasters, cell phones, nail files, etc etc etc.
I have a theory. What if we played with all of their baby toys from the beginning and ignored our everyday "toys"? Would they think that their toys were cool again? I mean, I don't know about you but I get down right giddy in the toy aisles at Target and Toys R Us. There are so many cool toys out there for kids. Maybe that's the point. Maybe the toy manufacturers are onto something. Maybe they are making the toys for the parents. Maybe I need to take my medication now.
Friday, August 21, 2009
I think the first time was when Mason was VERY young. Like, still carrying him like a baby young. I slipped on the stairs and almost dropped him, but he was saved from hitting the ground...that time. The next time was when he started rolling. You know how when your baby gets to THAT age and every time you go to the doctor for a well check-up she says, "Make sure you don't leave him alone on the changing table, he might roll off."? It was somewhere around there. I turned to get a onesie out of his closet and like a dream, slow motion rolling happened. I caught him mid air, but I still think he tasted a little bit of the ground.
We had a break for a while, minus all of the "learning to sit" toppling with little bumped heads here and there. Next up was Mason vs. the stairs. Twice. One incident you all witnessed in the chicken abuse video, the next was a mere two weeks later when Mason decided to climb up three stairs and practice standing by himself. You can imagine the outcome of that one. Let's see, ah yes, next was what we lovingly refer to as "The Bed Dive". Every morning, we bring Mason into bed with us while we work on getting our eyes to stay open for the day. Usually, Mason can see the foot board of the bed, but today it was covered by our comforter. Which happens to be silk. Awesomeness. On this particular day, Mason crawled to the end of the bed and kept on going. All I saw were legs straight up in the air.
Most recently, like this morning, stupid me forgot to fasten the straps on my dear Maclaren stroller. We were browsing in a book store and Mason evidently wanted to check out a book on the nearest shelf he could reach. He fell right out of the stroller, head first onto the ground. He now has a lovely carpet burn on his forehead. After I showed him a nearby stuffed elephant he was completely fine.
Luckily, we haven't had any serious injuries yet. Most of the time, he is watched very closely. As many of you moms know, you cannot be everywhere at once and sometimes things happen. Not even the best babyproofers are completely, well, babyproofed. Do not beat yourself up over it. Shit happens and it will continue to happen. Maybe worse! Maybe you will have to go to the emergency room a time or two. Everyone does. Who wants a bubble baby?
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Since I suffered from some MAJOR anxiety in the beginning, I felt like my house was in shambles at all times. And it was. Okay, maybe not shambles, but definitely not up to our standards. What I didn't, couldn't realize was that HI! You just had a baby. No, really. You were just in labor for 30 hours before it was decided that you had a "special" pelvis and couldn't deliver a baby. Oh, and guess what else? You haven't slept in EIGHTYBAZILLION years. Chill, lady.
Any time Mason was sleeping, or someone else was holding him, it took everything in me to not jump up and clean. A lot of times I couldn't fight the urge and would clean, forgoing showers, meals and sleep to clean my stupid house. Seriously, how stupid is that?
If there is one "Lesson" you pay attention to and take any little morsel of advice from, let this be it. Step away from the duster. People will understand. Or better yet, have someone else clean for you for a little while - or at least until you get your sanity and clean hair back. You are not a bad mother or wife for doing this.
Who wants to spend any of the "free" time that you get (and it is very little) cleaning, eating, showering, or doing any of the other everyday things that we all must do? How fulfilling is that? The best mothering skill I learned was how to take a shower with Mason watching in his bouncy seat, or clean the house with him happily riding in his carrier on my back, or eating with one hand - or better yet, handing him off to Paul or someone else.
Spend the precious moments while the baby is sleeping by READING, watching TV, napping, grocery shopping, writing a blog - whatever butters your muffin. I cannot stress how much this improved my mood and level of happiness. This doesn't go on forever. I now shower while Mason plays with a laundry basket. I clean while he chases the vacuum. He eats when we eat (and feeds himself!). And when he naps? I surf the Internet, watch DVR'd shows and sometimes !gasp! nap.
My house is clean, my hair is clean and everyone is happy.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Happy 2nd Anniversary lovie. I love you more and more every second. Even when you agree that it is probably okay to stop birth control. You are supposed to be the smart one in this relationship. Kidding. Thank you for my beautiful son - he is our love brought to life for everyone to see.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Okay, maybe not a lesson...but I am sure I can spin it as one. I just really wanted to share this with all of you. Over the last week, Mason has really started "talking", or trying to anyways. He has always been a chatterbox, but none of it really made sense to us. Recently he started saying the following:
-dada (this one has been going on for a while, but he gets who he is talking about now HUGE difference)
-mama (same as above)
-"nana" means he wants food...just figured that one out
-baba & all of the other ones like that.
Here's my spin:
Dear Tiff and Paul,
Stop using bad words in front of your child NOW before he starts riding around the local big box hardware store and saying "fuckfuckfuck" when you ask him how the ducky goes.
Friday, August 7, 2009
While reading Mason his bedtime story...
Paul: Let's read the Pokey Little Puppy.
Me: That's a long one.
Paul: Well, he's not grabbing the pages of the book yet, maybe we'll make it through.
Me: ::snark snark snark silently to self::
Paul: "Once upon a time, there were five little puppies...."
(Mason starts grabbing the book on the second page and tries to close it)
Paul: (after struggling for two pages to wrestle the book away from Mason and continue reading, but only getting to page 4 of 80 bagillion) "...and they all ran down the hill. The End."
Me: And out into the road where they got hit by a truck. Mason, never run out into the road. That was the best story ever.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The strangest thing happens once you have a baby: you become obsessed with everything that oozes out of their tiny little body. I actually get excited when Mason wakes up with crusty boogs in his nose. I love them. He hates when I try to pick them out. It is totally disgusting and twisted, but I cannot help myself.
I never thought I would be one of those moms who licks her thumb and cleans her child's face. OH I am. Especially if there are crusty boogers involved. Gagging while you read this? You just wait! (stay tuned for a lesson on that very phrase: YOU JUST WAIT!)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I don't know how well I hid 'the crazy' at the beginning. Some people probably brushed it off as new mom baby blues, or new mom anxiety, tiredness, bitchiness, or whatever. Some people probably knew, but didn't know what to say. I don't even think I fully knew what was going on for a while.
I do know one thing though: When you are dealing with post-partum depression/anxiety issues, the tiniest things can set you off. I felt like I was constantly being judged. I felt like I wasn't good enough. I felt like a horrible mother. I could go on and on. There were people who are very close to me that I felt were hurting me with their words and actions on purpose. They might have meant it, they might not have - I don't know, nor does it really matter now. I know now that it is very important to watch what you say to new mothers. They are doing their best. Let them do what they want to do. Keep your mouth shut no matter how bad you want to open it. They might be dealing with a monster inside of them, don't fuel the fire.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Lesson 1 - The term "sleeping like a baby" is complete shit.
You will never sleep like you did as a teen again. In the beginning, Mason was up every two hours to eat, took an hour to eat, leaving me an hour to eat, shower, nap, clean, change his diaper, whatever. I have never felt tired like I did in the beginning. This lasted about 3 months (not so much the two hour thing, but just about) and then it started to get better. He started sleeping more, and eventually I got used to it, then after that he started sleeping all night. I forget when this was exactly - I would have to look it up (look for the lesson on "momnesia" soon). We got about a month of peaceful., fulfilling rest - or as close to it as you can imagine, because do you know what catheters do to you? Trust me, just because there is no baby jumping up and down on your bladder anymore DOES NOT mean you won't be getting up to pee during the night. Or hearing the baby. Was that the baby? No? I could have sworn I heard the baby.
Then teething hits...and possible nightmares....headaches?.....separation anxiety....crawling....standing....FUN FUN FUN. He still wakes up sometimes. Sometimes he doesn't. It's a crap shoot. But think about it: do you sleep EVERY night, through the night, without waking up? Hells no. You are an adult though. You aren't scared. Truth is, when Mason goes to college, moves out of the house, and I no longer have to worry about him - maybe I will get some sleep. Maybe I won't. That's only like, what, 17 years away?
Monday, August 3, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
I am going to go on. I promise. BUT I am happy to announce that on Mason's first birthday, I will be moving on...to another link, a new look, a new name and some new content. I will explain more later, but I will say that you need to check out this blog, because it is one of my best friends and also the wife of the brilliant person who keeps coming up with some sweet ass blog names. And oh yeah, she is about to bust TWO babies out of her. Enjoy!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Mason found this costume in a drawer this morning. I had bought it while I was pregnant and it was too big last Halloween, so what else would I do? Friday Fun!
Coming soon: The decision on what to do with the bloggy blog.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Mason: Damnit, not the camera again. I know she loves it when I smile, so I usually make myself look like Forrest Gump just to piss her off. Watch how red her face gets.
Mason: Okay, now pretend to be really interested in something.
Kendall: Like this turtle? Will the turtle work?
Mason: YES. Just hurry up and do it, stop stalling woman.
Mason: Dude, I think she spiked the bath water. I feel funny.
Kendall: I already drank like half the bath water...
Mason: WAHOOOO party in da tubby! I think it's Pepsi!
Kendall: I totally have the munchies and this turtle looks delicious.
Mason: Whoa. I feel sleepy now.
Kendall: Where's the camera, SMILE!Kendall: Hold up. You're going to tell my mom about this?
Mason: Yeah, and she'll probably put it on her blog.
Mason: Quick, act normal...da da da ba ba
Kendall: DA BA BA BA NA NA I farted. Mason: Dude, that is a BOY towel.
Kendall: Shut up.
Friday, July 17, 2009
I did not have time to put the bags in the car, I did not have time to drive home, I was not leaving my already-purchased items outside the bathroom (let alone my child), I will not eat green eggs and ham, I will not eat them Sam I am. So I did what any desperate mother who does not wear adult diapers would do: I grabbed my purse, child, gallon of milk, 2 kind-of heavy bags and I ran to the bathroom. I took the handicapped stall, hung up my purse (Coach, haaaallllo), one of the bags and put the rest of it on ::shudders:: the floor. Yes, including the kid. Trust, those rickety hooks are NOT strong enough to hold my little man.
I did...well I did what I needed to do all while keeping Mason in the standing position by securing his little hands on my knees and off of the toilet seat. When finished, I grabbed the boy, and the purse and I washed my hands. It was then that I turned around and realized that the stall door had shut AND locked itself behind me. MOTHER! I wanted to cry, I wanted to run, I wanted that new bathing suit that was in my bags! What else was I supposed to do? I sat Mason on the ground and army crawled my ass into the stall, unlocked the door, grabbed my shit and ran. I barely made it back to my cart without dropping my child. I must have looked SUPER classy.
At least it was early morning and the store was filled with other moms that needed to escape their homes. At least I am not showing any signs of infectious diseases, yet. Lastly, as least I didn't poop my pants.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
So please - I am on my knees here peeps - vote ONE MORE TIME for Mason. I will give you cyber kisses. Promise.
CLICK HERE PLEASE
You now have until August to vote, but I suggest you do it now so you don't forget. Make sure you tell all of your friends and family - I give the bestest, sloppiest, cyber kisses EVA.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Mason, do you know that in the last week you have visited 3 new states, rode a Metro, rode down an escalator, went on your first amusement park ride, stayed in not one but THREE hotels, visited your nations capital and made countless otherwise-grumpy people smile? Well, believe it. I will admit, taking a 10 month old baby on a road trip in theory sounds like the working of a crazy person, but you were WONDERFUL. You only had one meltdown, and who wouldn't after being through what I put you through last week?
You swam your little heart out. I am going to predict that you are the next Michael Phelps. I have never seen such a little man want to swim so badly. You scream (happy screams) every time we get in the water and you kick your legs until you fall asleep - which you did on the last night of our trip, in the pool. Hilarious. You are into EVERYTHING these days. In fact, I have to make a trip to the big baby store to buy more locks for the cabinets since you think it is funny to mess with mommy's wine paraphernalia - hint: NEVER mess with mommy's wine paraphernalia.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Your next inductee?
It was a very fun way to celebrate one of the best dads in the world. Grandpa is fishing right now, so he couldn't come but he was missed very much! Hope all you dads out there had a wonderful day as well!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
"Don't look at me, I didn't do it."
If you, or anyone you know is dealing with the same kind of monster, please let me know so we can begin documenting its behaviors for future reference. With your help, this monster can be stopped.
In other news, a different, less tangible monster is emerging tomorrow. Its name is FIVE-K and I will be slaying that bitch with all my might. I don't know how prepared I am, but I will make good on my promise and do the best I can. Pray for me.
Weight loss so far: 4 pounds! Slow and steady wins the race.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Your dad and I still go to bed every night and gush about how much we love you, how cute you are and how we cannot believe how big you are getting. You clap, you lift your arms when we yell "touchdown", you crawl, you wave, you say "dada" among other things, you pull up to stand on everything, you cruise and more that I am sure I am forgetting. I really think that I even heard you practicing the word "cat" quietly to yourself a few times. Going out places is so fun now because all you do is flirt. You get so excited when you see new people and love to look around. You are so vocal and are constantly making some kind of noise.
You have a very analytical mind, which is not surprising given who your father is. You study EVERYTHING and love to open and close, open and close, open and close whatever you can find (which includes my laptop, good times). You have more personality than some adults I know, which you of course got from your mother. Another lovable trait (or not) that you inherited from you dad is the ability to fall asleep at pretty much any given time- as long as you are tired. You have now fallen asleep THREE, yes THREE times in your highchair during lunch. I remember when I used to cry, yell, beg and plead for you to JUST GO TO SLEEP. Sometimes I wish I could remember those early days (or months) better so I could document what EXACTLY I did to cause this.
Every day gets better and better with you. You laugh over nothing, you still cry over nothing (it's okay, momma does too), you make the best expressions and cutest noises. You are becoming a cuddler (I am doing my damnedest) and an ornery little boy all at the same time. I hope and pray that you will be a momma's boy, because so far I have been jipped in this whole thing. Your dad's looks, brain, athletic ability and narcolepsy versus my personality. I just need to know that I am doing an okay job and that you are happy - and your favoritism. Is that too much?
I love you.