Tuesday, June 3, 2008

What I have learned so far, Part II

26w 5d

More things that pregnancy has taught me so far:
-People give you diapers. ALL THE TIME. Really! I guess it is some pay-it-forward law that the American Pregnant Women Association of America voted on and passed. BL's closet is filling up with diapers. Pretty soon we will run out of toilet paper and I'll be all, "No, it's cool. Don't waste the gas in the car, we'll just wear some of the baby's diapers", and then I will reach down towards the ground and grab one. You know, since by Friday they will surely be starting to trickle into the living room.

-Your feet, they swell. Yep. Those bones and veins that you see when you look at them, gone. I like to think of my tootsies as resembling bloated, dead fish sometimes. Then I make fishy faces.
-Ever wanted to hear a labor story? No problem. Just get pregnant, because then EVERYONE will want to tell you theirs. Including the lady who was hired to school you on how to administer life-saving CPR on your infant. She will spend about 2 minutes covering that little bit about chest compressions and shit and then the other 58 minutes talking about how she handled the pain. Oh the painful pain.
-What about your lungs and rib cage? Have you ever felt what it is like to be kicked in your lungs and rib cage? From the inside? Ask me. I know.
Taking a bath is hard. Like college calculus-hard. Our bath tub is really deep and I basically have to get on all fours to ease myself into and out of the tub. But the time I spend in there? Pure bliss.
-You fart involuntarily. I used to pride myself on being able to keep up with the guys when it came to farting. I could rip them just as loud, with a little effort of course. But now? Now I just have to walk around - you know, around the OFFICE where other people are trying to do work. Then I have the daunting task of pretending to make fart noises with my mouth. I think it is time to just own up.

*Edit - I love free diapers, I really do. I was not complaining. I also love cakes. And sweaters.


Colleen said...

Awww man. Guess I will stop the construction of the diaper cake.

Jessica said...

LOL I am laughing so hard at your incontrollable farting!

Colleen said...

Re: Your edit. Do you really think I could construct a diaper cake?

Laura said...

Colleen, a diaper cake would be ideal.

Tiff, these are great!

Tiff said...

Colleen, I suggest you get to work then.

Mrs E said...

You're not the only one who makes the mouth noise to try to cover up the involuntary fart sound...

Now what else can PG women do to cover the odor?

Roxanne Schwandt said...

I came across your blog from a google search I was doing because I am 26w 5d, due 12-25-08 with a baby boy. I just about pee'd my pants at this post... about the farting... cuz that is exactly what I have recently been experiencing.. TOO FUNNY!! thanks for sharing :)