Failure Part II

29w 1d

So I guess I spoke too soon. I was told I would have the 3 hour results by Wednesday, so when I didn't hear anything all day Wednesday OR Thursday, I thought I was good. Evidently not. I was totally caught off guard this morning when the phone rang. I failed 2 of the 4 tests, thus making me diabetic.

What this means to me: I am a failure. I feel like I have failed myself, but most importantly, this baby. I am really, really embarrassed. Completely lost. They told me I barely failed the first test, how can I fail the second test as well?

What is REALLY (medically) means: According to the Diabetes Association of America, "The placenta supports the baby as it grows. Hormones from the placenta help the baby develop. But these hormones also block the action of the mother's insulin in her body. This problem is called insulin resistance. Insulin resistance makes it hard for the mother's body to use insulin. She may need up to three times as much insulin.

Gestational diabetes starts when your body is not able to make and use all the insulin it needs for pregnancy. Without enough insulin, glucose cannot leave the blood and be changed to energy. Glucose builds up in the blood to high levels. This is called hyperglycemia."

This means that I have to start checking my blood sugar 4 times a day and visiting a nutritionist. I really really have to watch the amount of sugar I take in and "can't have those cookies or candies anymore!" according to the nurse. Funny thing is, I don't really have large doses of cookies and candy anyways.

I have to keep reminding myself that I did not do anything wrong. This is my body. My body just simply does not like being pregnant and cannot keep up it's normal duties and grow a baby. Once I have BL, my body should go back to normal. This doesn't even mean that I will have gestational diabetes in future pregnancies.

What this means for BL: Again, according to the ADA, "When you have gestational diabetes, your pancreas works overtime to produce insulin, but the insulin does not lower your blood glucose levels. Although insulin does not cross the placenta, glucose and other nutrients do. So extra blood glucose goes through the placenta, giving the baby high blood glucose levels. This causes the baby's pancreas to make extra insulin to get rid of the blood glucose. Since the baby is getting more energy than it needs to grow and develop, the extra energy is stored as fat."

If untreated, the baby could get way too big, which would ultimately lead to a c-section (something I DO NOT want) since he would be big and risk shoulder injury during vaginal birth. He would also possibly need to come early to risk him getting too large. Untreated gestational diabetes can also effect babies' breathing at birth since they would have low blood glucose levels.

I need to stop Googling. I WILL get this under control. I have less than 11 weeks to go and what that means to me is that I have less than 11 weeks to make sure that BL comes into this world as healthy as possible. I can't wait to start hearing all of the dumb ass comments people make to me now.