Whirlwind

Lesson 13 - BUSY

Adding people to your family, especially little people only makes your life busier, people. I could have sworn that SOMEWHERE SOMEONE must have told me it makes life slow down.

No?

Really?

We have been so busy lately with all the football drafts, friends, friends sprouting multiple babies at once, working, getting ready for the BIG birthday. ::Shock:: my baby is only going to be a baby for one more day. One more day! Then he officially enters toddlerhood. I have a toddler. My God, who let this happen? We took one year photos today with cake and all and it was soooo difficult for a couple reasons. First, he crawls. Everywhere. You cannot stop him. He wants his truck, not the stuffed football. Damnit. Then the cake. Oh the cake. Whoever started this ridiculously cute trend must be found and hugged. And then shot. I will of course be including the results (the not so wonderful results, but whatevs) in his Dear Mason post.

To end, look at some cute twins. Oh my gosh. They smelled like roses and candy and yumyumyum. My uterus moved a little when I held them. Then I smacked myself and told myself to, "Get it together, lady".

Abuse by Chicken Costume

No babies chickens were harmed while filming. Seriously though y'all, he's okay, no need to call Child Services.

Abuse by Chicken Costume from Tiffany Luc on Vimeo.

Mason found this costume in a drawer this morning. I had bought it while I was pregnant and it was too big last Halloween, so what else would I do? Friday Fun!

Coming soon: The decision on what to do with the bloggy blog.

Crazy kids.

Kendall: MASON, just look cute and smile, they love it when you do that.
Mason: Damnit, not the camera again. I know she loves it when I smile, so I usually make myself look like Forrest Gump just to piss her off. Watch how red her face gets.


Mason: Okay, now pretend to be really interested in something.
Kendall: Like this turtle? Will the turtle work?
Mason: YES. Just hurry up and do it, stop stalling woman.
Mason: Dude, I think she spiked the bath water. I feel funny.
Kendall: I already drank like half the bath water...
Mason: WAHOOOO party in da tubby! I think it's Pepsi!
Kendall: I totally have the munchies and this turtle looks delicious.
Mason: Whoa. I feel sleepy now.
Kendall: Where's the camera, SMILE!Kendall: Hold up. You're going to tell my mom about this?
Mason: Yeah, and she'll probably put it on her blog.
Mason: Quick, act normal...da da da ba ba
Kendall: DA BA BA BA NA NA I farted. Mason: Dude, that is a BOY towel.
Kendall: Shut up.

No pleads in this post.

We really haven't been doing much of anything.Which is why I haven't written a worth-while post in a while.I do have a lot to catch you up on, a poll to do, some "loose ends" to tie up, if you will.But I don't feel like it tonight.Because we swam all day. Neener-neener boo boo.

UGH.

Some of you may have had some issues voting for Mason on Monday...evidently the website was VERY unprepared for the amount of traffic the contest was drawing and so now they are STARTING OVER to make it fair. Seriously.

So please - I am on my knees here peeps - vote ONE MORE TIME for Mason. I will give you cyber kisses. Promise.

CLICK HERE PLEASE

You now have until August to vote, but I suggest you do it now so you don't forget. Make sure you tell all of your friends and family - I give the bestest, sloppiest, cyber kisses EVA.

Nobody said anything about hills.

Yesterday was perfect. Absolutely gorgeous. Low humidity. Nice breezes. We got to the hospital about an hour before the race. I picked up my packet, Paul registered. My mom met us there to watch Mason while we ran. I went pee, we walked around a little, took some pictures with some sucky college mascots (this was as good as I could get, the Golden Flash wasn't there). We started stretching a little, grabbed a couple bites of banana and a drink of Vitamin Water. Before I knew it, we had to line up for the race. I waved goodbye to Mason and Paul and I decided that he would run with me for at least the first one or two miles and then he could take off - of course we don't run at the same pace.

They sounded the air horn and the 450-some racers began running - including myself. The first mile was fine. Paul and I ran together and I was feeling really great. What I wasn't noticing was the fact that we were running downhill. A lot. There was a guy blaring Queen on a boom box and cute little kids at all of the drink stations. If you have ever tried to drink anything while running you know it is near impossible - so I took a little sip then dumped it on myself. Much better. I was told that I had ran my first mile in 9 minutes - my best EVER. Soon after that I realized it may have been a little too fast. I was cramping and had to walk for a bit, telling Paul to keep going.

I started running again once I felt better, maybe after a minute and now I was all alone. I kept thinking about Mason, all of the kids in the hospital that might never get the chance to run and I kept pushing myself. We were now running through a cemetery (creepy) and there were HILLS. WHAT? Tiff doesn't run up steep hills. I walked some of the hills, but the longest I ever let myself walk was 3 minutes - I am no marathon runner.

Finally, once I made it back up the huge hill and across the bridge, I knew I was close. Once I saw the finish line and all the people I got a HUGE smile on my face (the announcer even commented on it as I ran by). I did it. I finished somewhere around 35 minutes (the results aren't up yet). That means I was running (on average) an 11.3 minute mile. Pretty damn good for "training" for 3 weeks. Imagine what I could do if I really focused! The best part for me was seeing how proud Paul and my mom were. Mason also clapped for me, but he might have been clapping at the fact that he was eating cheese puffs. I couldn't have done it without any of them. I am going to keep running. Keep racing. I know I didn't run a marathon or anything and who knows when or if I ever will, but I feel like I did. I am proud.

A monster in my house.

There is a monster living amongst us. The evidence:

-Toilet paper rolls are being unraveled.

-Cheerios are strewn about the house.

-There are snot stains on EVERYTHING.

-Coasters from the coffee table are all over the living room.

-Trash cans are being toppled over.

-There are fingerprints, errr paw prints all over anything that is glass in nature.

-Sometimes, I hear faint gasping noises, whines and growls.

"Don't look at me, I didn't do it."

If you, or anyone you know is dealing with the same kind of monster, please let me know so we can begin documenting its behaviors for future reference. With your help, this monster can be stopped.
In other news, a different, less tangible monster is emerging tomorrow. Its name is FIVE-K and I will be slaying that bitch with all my might. I don't know how prepared I am, but I will make good on my promise and do the best I can. Pray for me.
Weight loss so far: 4 pounds! Slow and steady wins the race.

Babies and Cats

The similarities between cats and babies are astounding. Especially my cat and my baby. Since Mason has begun exploring our house, he has discovered the door stoppers. He loves to play with them and I have to endure constant BIOOONNGGGGG-ing until he moves on to his next victim. Binx used to love to paw at the door stoppers while we were in the bathroom. Sort of his little way of telling us that he really wanted in so he could get some pets while we were taking a dump. Another thing? They both love to sleep. LOVE IT (most of the time). Binx of course sleeps all.day.long and cannot be disturbed (only for pets). Mason has a strict napping schedule that he has made for himself and if it is not followed, things like this happen:

Then there is the shower. No one can resist some fresh shower water, right? Binx loves to drink the leftover sudsy, surely mold-infested shower water laying on the shower floor. Mason of course spends my entire shower banging on the door with his chubby little hands waiting for the moment when I step out so he can crawl in.

They are both definitely my babies, and while one is probably neglected (I'll let you figure that one out) I love them both equally, but yet not, for different reasons? Yes, something like that. They fill my days with just the right amount of comic relief.

The zoo of laziness.

In weight-loss news, wellll there really isn't any. Memorial Day weekend sure didn't help and I have learned that I have no self control when it comes to pizza or ice cream EEK. I have been making progress in the running department, so that's encouraging. Last week I ran 8 miles total and this week I am going for at least 12. Moving on...

My sister-in-law and I went to the zoo last week and discovered that animals are LAZY. For reals.

Lazy kangaroos

Lazy gorilla

Big lazy cats

Mason really enjoys the zoo because he really enjoys animals of all kinds. Even the lazy kind. I guess he is used to that with Mr. Binx. I mean seriously, get up and DO SOMETHING. You have the life. You don't have to hunt, you get to play all day and you can pick if you want to be outside or inside. What is the effing problem?

There you go. Again, there really isn't that much SUPERDUPEREXCITING things going on around here. Just a bunch of NO NO NO's and chasing and whatnot. Ever since Mason started crawling, I feel like time is speeding up and before I know it my blog is neglected. Poor blog.

Like, OMG you guys.

I went to pick up pizza dinner last night and when I returned Paul was all "Hurry! He is crawling, grab the video camera" and I was all, "YAY! Finally!". So, this crawling thing, totally cool for about 5 minutes until you realize:

1. You aren't prepared. You still haven't babyproofed enough. Knives are still laying on coffee tables, medieval guillotine replicas are still lining the walls, etc.

2. You're new favorite word and possibly your son's first word is NO NO NO NO NO.

3. You really need to vacuum.

4. Vacuuming takes twice the amount of time when you are dragging an almost-toddler that has a death-grip on the cord behind you.

5. You still haven't ordered the baby gates! SHIT!

Do not fret internet people, I did baby proof the outlets, which of course was the first thing he went for this morning:

Without further rambling, here it is, THE video that only took 5 tries to capture (I know he is not sterotypical crawling yet, but trust, he gets where he needs to go):

He Crawls from Tiffany Luc on Vimeo.

That day...that was yesterday.

My first official Mother's Day went a little something like this: breakfast in bed with my two favorite guys, a spa visit for a gift (squeeeeeeeeels), family visits, outlet shopping and lots of playing. Oh yeah and then there was this:




Oh Hallo duck family waddling through our dirty garage. I will admit that this may have been theee CUTEST thing I have ever seen (minus my son) and shall prove that I AM NOT DEAD INSIDE DENISE. I think baby ducks are cute even though they shatted all over my rug. Mason thought it was pretty funny and so did some of our neighbors.





Mother's Day also brought on more OHSHIT feelings now that Mason is so close to crawling that he can taste it. And pulling up on.everything.including.in.bathtub.scary. And poop. Lots and lots of poop. I think we have changed at least 15 poopy diapers in the past two days. I swear if another tooth is upon us I may end up in the looney bin. Again. Unless it gets progressively easier? Please tell me it gets easier the more teeth he has.




....

Okay now that I have rambled about everything including poop, here is some lovely Mother's Day mother-son...love.

Officially in for it.

I woke up sometime this week and someone had stolen my baby and replaced him with a pre-toddler. How does this happen? Nobody told me this would happen. I thought babies stayed small and immobile! They are not like puppies and kittens, they do not make you fall in love with their cuteness and then grow up into lazy, stubborn dogs and cats that no longer need you so much and just simply give a little nod here and there and totally don't listen to you when you yell NO! NO! do not chew on my shoe! or NO! NO! don't you even think of going out on the deck, you will not be coming back in mister!! ::deeeeeeep breathhhhhhh:: RIGHT?

On the move. from Tiffany Luc on Vimeo.

He actually does stand all the way up, but knees were good enough for him this morning. Shit.

Dear Mason - 8 Months

8 Months

Dear Mason,

When your father and I agreed to an "adults weekend" with friends 2 hours away I probably silently jumped up and down and screeeeeched to myself. Holy sleeping in, no diaper changing, dangling earrings and high heels! Little did I know that when it came down to actually handing you off to my mother-in-law, I would be a mess inside. 5 months ago, I would have been more than happy to leave you for a night. It sounds horrible and a lot of you are probably shaking your heads, reaching for the red x in the corner of your screen because you can't believe what a HORRIBLE mother I am BUT it's the truth. I was going through a lot, WE were going through a lot as a family. It's amazing how quickly things change. I have always loved you but I wasn't always THAT mom, crying at the thought of leaving her baby for one day.

When we came home, you were still out with Goga and Papa, gallivanting around Home Depot, and I had a chance to vacuum, take a shower and try to fight my minor hangover a little. It was so quiet, toys were still scattered around the house and for a split second I got a glance of my former life. That life seems so far gone. I can't imagine life before you, I don't remember it. Then you came home. I couldn't wait to see your little smile, your THREE teeth. You instantly began pulling my hair, sticking your fingers in my mouth and up my nose, it's like we never missed a beat.

Your ornery side is beginning to show, I knew it would eventually. At one time, I was declaring that you would not crawl but you have really started to make leaps and bounds in that department. Just this morning, you actually crawled a little towards the remote - ignoring the hundreds of toys scattered around you. I am baffled at the thought of planning a first birthday for MY SON in a mere 4 months. I guess all it takes is a night away and a glimpse of a former life to remind you of how lucky you are - even while clumps of your hair are being ripped out.

Our relationship at this moment kind of reminds me of a Bjork song and video - as strange as that sounds.

Embedding was disabled for the Bjork Youtube vid, but here's the link if you care:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1A_uSEjTIQ

I am one funny bitch.

Untitled from Tiffany Luc on Vimeo.

Yes, I am gross.

Before I had Mason, I would see vomit and pretty much vomit myself. I also hated when I could smell even the tiniest bit of someone else's breath, and boogers, ick. Now, NOW I am the booger patrol. I actually get excited when I see crusty boogers hanging out of Mason's nose, or any other baby's nose for that matter. Then there is his breath. I make it a point to stick my nose in his face when he wakes up. I think his breath is the sweetest-smelling thing on earth.

Two nights ago, our poor neighbors were witness to projectile vomiting of turkey and sweet potatoes mixed with a little formula. Usually, this would have triggered my gag reflex immediately, but not anymore. Then when Paul spilled the puke all over the floor and my foot, it was gross but I was more worried about Mason. Poor guy.

Have I talked about his sweat yet? The kid radiates heat from his body and when he wakes up he is soaked with sweat. And I love it. It smells so good! I wish I could bottle his little smells. Minus the poop of course. That NEVER smells good. See what being a mother does to you? Of course BABY sweat and BABY breath and BABY boogers are way cuter than the adult counterpart, I would never go for a cliffhanger in my husband's nose.

Elmo is God, Giggles, Squirrels and Bubble-spewing Hippos

Fast forward to 2:25 for Elmo excited-ness. Weeeeeeeeeeee! Giggles start around 3:00. AND if you have lots of time, my dad's squirrel-chase begins at 3:47 and lastly, My Family vs the Hippo Bubble Maker begins at 4:45. Yes, I have no clue how to upload videos from my camcorder to my computer. Kiss my ass.



First Easter from Tiffany Luc on Vimeo.

Ridiculousismisosityism

Example 1:

His first Easter basket that the Easter bunny hid in our laundry room. It contained an Elmo book, which has become known as THE Elmo book, Mason's Bible, Thy Holiest Elmo Booketh. Once I get my ass in gear and upload the videos off of the video camera, I will have further proof to support my case for the love of the book.

Example 2:

Mason took the book with him to visit his grandma and grandpa.

Example 3:

This is where Mason receives his second Easter basket...errr plus present aka Christmas 2.0. Ballpopper funnnn! Mommy chase the balls because I do not crawl yet! Mommy why are you drinking the wine straight out of the bottle?

Example 4:

Mommy starts taking pictures of things that currently piss her off:

Seriously, can someone tell me when they started adding f'ing SCREWS to toy packages? What, were the impossible twisty-ties not enough to torture parents? Nooooo some dickhead at the toy company decided that babies were evolving and that the twisties weren't strong enough anymore to keep their chubby fingers from getting a hold of that bottle of bubble solution and drinking it down, with their SPECTACULAR coordination and all.

What's even more ridiculous? This post is not over. I have more to add from Easter, but allergies: I haz them. Floaty, disconnected, IMSOHIGH feeling from the allergy medication: I haz that as well and computer screen is giving me headache.

The Tooth.

A couple days ago, Mason bit down on my finger like he does at least 80 times a day. This time, it hurt. I felt something. I nubbin. A TOOTH nubbin. We have been waiting for this little asshole (the tooth) to come out and play for a while now. I knew there was something behind Mason's recent model citizen behavior.

It seems to inch closer and closer to the surface every day, and since we have forced Mason's mouth open every hour to look at the progress, he will no longer let you have a looky, only a feely. So we wait. Along with an incoming tooth comes more FUN stuff like explosive diarrhea, MORE DROOL, babyrexia and more.chewing.more! I cannot begin to tell you how many times he has pooped in the last two days, and the new diaper rash he now has because of it. This is all so exciting! Why did I ever wish he would get his first tooth again?

Bubble baby

There are 3 babies in Mason's swimming class. 2 of them are over one-year, 2 of them are the same size as Mason. *snicker* 2 of the 3 started crying when they were lowered into the water. The other one splashed, played and smiled. High five little man, high five.
Excuse the shart-ness of the photos. I was nice to Paul by only making him handle the video camera and the little digital camera, I wasn't sure if he could handle the BIG DOG camera.

A really shitty story. Literally.

Approximately 3 hours ago I heard Mason making noise in his crib. I thought maybe since he went to bed at 9:15 last night that he would let us sleep in a little. Wrong. I thought maybe I could sneak in without him seeing me and cover him back up and get him to go back to sleep. Fail. I was greeted with the usual "Hey! Good Morning! My favorite! I pooped! I stink! I have been nomming on my blanket! See! It's all wet! Where's my Ugly Doll?! Let's PLAAAAAY!!" smile. Busted. I scooped him up, put him on the changing table and went to work. What happened next is all a blur because a.)it was 7am, b.)I didn't my contacts in and c.)I think what you are about to read literally fell to shit in about .3 seconds.

I opened the diaper and of course there was poop. There is every morning. Although yesterday he had prunes DOH! and he moves a lot now before I get to him DOUBLE DOH! and there was shit. smeared. all. over. his. ass. Thankfully none had escaped out. Yet. The he spotted his Ugly Doll. The contortions started. There is one thing he is more happy to see in the morning than mommy or daddy and that's his Ugly Doll Big Toe. I couldn't control his legs. Poop was smearing. Poop was now all over my fingers, my arms, Big Toe! I called out to Paul, trying to not sound like Mason was dying or something. No answer. I called out again, a little more panic in my voice. I had Mason by his ankles as he squirmed all around, head almost completely twisted off of his neck, arms above his head "Ooooohhhh Ahhhhh, Baaaaaaa". He didn't seem to notice that everything was being covered in shit, he was having fuuuuun, it is moooorrrrrnnnning!!!

I heard Paul say, "Where are you?!". I called out that I was "IN BAYYBEEES ROOOMM HURRRRRRRY!!". Ultimately, there was a snap decision to throw him in the tub, a mere 9 hours after his last bath. I washed the smears away, washed my hands and arms, threw new jammies on the boy and we all got in bed and snuggled like nothing ever happened. All before 7:30am.