Monday, May 4, 2009

Dear Mason - 8 Months

8 Months

Dear Mason,

When your father and I agreed to an "adults weekend" with friends 2 hours away I probably silently jumped up and down and screeeeeched to myself. Holy sleeping in, no diaper changing, dangling earrings and high heels! Little did I know that when it came down to actually handing you off to my mother-in-law, I would be a mess inside. 5 months ago, I would have been more than happy to leave you for a night. It sounds horrible and a lot of you are probably shaking your heads, reaching for the red x in the corner of your screen because you can't believe what a HORRIBLE mother I am BUT it's the truth. I was going through a lot, WE were going through a lot as a family. It's amazing how quickly things change. I have always loved you but I wasn't always THAT mom, crying at the thought of leaving her baby for one day.

When we came home, you were still out with Goga and Papa, gallivanting around Home Depot, and I had a chance to vacuum, take a shower and try to fight my minor hangover a little. It was so quiet, toys were still scattered around the house and for a split second I got a glance of my former life. That life seems so far gone. I can't imagine life before you, I don't remember it. Then you came home. I couldn't wait to see your little smile, your THREE teeth. You instantly began pulling my hair, sticking your fingers in my mouth and up my nose, it's like we never missed a beat.

Your ornery side is beginning to show, I knew it would eventually. At one time, I was declaring that you would not crawl but you have really started to make leaps and bounds in that department. Just this morning, you actually crawled a little towards the remote - ignoring the hundreds of toys scattered around you. I am baffled at the thought of planning a first birthday for MY SON in a mere 4 months. I guess all it takes is a night away and a glimpse of a former life to remind you of how lucky you are - even while clumps of your hair are being ripped out.

Our relationship at this moment kind of reminds me of a Bjork song and video - as strange as that sounds.

Embedding was disabled for the Bjork Youtube vid, but here's the link if you care:

1 comment:

Laura said...

Beautiful, Tiff. Just beautiful.