Approximately 3 hours ago I heard Mason making noise in his crib. I thought maybe since he went to bed at 9:15 last night that he would let us sleep in a little. Wrong. I thought maybe I could sneak in without him seeing me and cover him back up and get him to go back to sleep. Fail. I was greeted with the usual "Hey! Good Morning! My favorite! I pooped! I stink! I have been nomming on my blanket! See! It's all wet! Where's my Ugly Doll?! Let's PLAAAAAY!!" smile. Busted. I scooped him up, put him on the changing table and went to work. What happened next is all a blur because a.)it was 7am, b.)I didn't my contacts in and c.)I think what you are about to read literally fell to shit in about .3 seconds.
I opened the diaper and of course there was poop. There is every morning. Although yesterday he had prunes DOH! and he moves a lot now before I get to him DOUBLE DOH! and there was shit. smeared. all. over. his. ass. Thankfully none had escaped out. Yet. The he spotted his Ugly Doll. The contortions started. There is one thing he is more happy to see in the morning than mommy or daddy and that's his Ugly Doll Big Toe. I couldn't control his legs. Poop was smearing. Poop was now all over my fingers, my arms, Big Toe! I called out to Paul, trying to not sound like Mason was dying or something. No answer. I called out again, a little more panic in my voice. I had Mason by his ankles as he squirmed all around, head almost completely twisted off of his neck, arms above his head "Ooooohhhh Ahhhhh, Baaaaaaa". He didn't seem to notice that everything was being covered in shit, he was having fuuuuun, it is moooorrrrrnnnning!!!
I heard Paul say, "Where are you?!". I called out that I was "IN BAYYBEEES ROOOMM HURRRRRRRY!!". Ultimately, there was a snap decision to throw him in the tub, a mere 9 hours after his last bath. I washed the smears away, washed my hands and arms, threw new jammies on the boy and we all got in bed and snuggled like nothing ever happened. All before 7:30am.