Lately, I have been finding myself craving to hold you. I think it is because since you started crawling this month I am realizing that you are becoming your own little independent person. Soon, you will probably want nothing to do with me. It makes me so sad to think that my body was such an asshole in the beginning and blocked me from realizing what I was missing. I was too busy worrying about SIDS, BPA, nipple confusion, sleeping patterns and what everyone else thought about my parenting skills to see that my little boy was growing up FAST. One day, I woke up and you were no longer a newborn. Soon thereafter, I woke up and you were looking more and more like a toddler. I feel like I missed so much because of my disease (or whatever you want to call it). Now that I am better, and able to think more clearly, I know that it does nothing for me to dwell on any of this. Instead, I choose to congratulate myself in overcoming all (okay, most) of my anxiety. So what if I caught flack for not putting my son to sleep on his stomach right away, he's still alive. I started buying everything BPA free and now you cannot find anything that has BPA in it - guess I was on to something! My son HATES pacifiers - at least I never have to worry about taking them away from him. And finally, you sleep like a DREAM - guess I did something right there too!
Your dad and I still go to bed every night and gush about how much we love you, how cute you are and how we cannot believe how big you are getting. You clap, you lift your arms when we yell "touchdown", you crawl, you wave, you say "dada" among other things, you pull up to stand on everything, you cruise and more that I am sure I am forgetting. I really think that I even heard you practicing the word "cat" quietly to yourself a few times. Going out places is so fun now because all you do is flirt. You get so excited when you see new people and love to look around. You are so vocal and are constantly making some kind of noise.
You have a very analytical mind, which is not surprising given who your father is. You study EVERYTHING and love to open and close, open and close, open and close whatever you can find (which includes my laptop, good times). You have more personality than some adults I know, which you of course got from your mother. Another lovable trait (or not) that you inherited from you dad is the ability to fall asleep at pretty much any given time- as long as you are tired. You have now fallen asleep THREE, yes THREE times in your highchair during lunch. I remember when I used to cry, yell, beg and plead for you to JUST GO TO SLEEP. Sometimes I wish I could remember those early days (or months) better so I could document what EXACTLY I did to cause this.
Every day gets better and better with you. You laugh over nothing, you still cry over nothing (it's okay, momma does too), you make the best expressions and cutest noises. You are becoming a cuddler (I am doing my damnedest) and an ornery little boy all at the same time. I hope and pray that you will be a momma's boy, because so far I have been jipped in this whole thing. Your dad's looks, brain, athletic ability and narcolepsy versus my personality. I just need to know that I am doing an okay job and that you are happy - and your favoritism. Is that too much?
I love you.