How I have been getting shit done.

Don't mind my sicky/haven't showered yet face.




LOVE the Infantino Front2Back Rider ($39.99). BabyBjorn WHAT?!

Catch 22

I am sick. Have been since Saturday night/Sunday. Of course being sick and trying to take care of a baby is not the equivalent of your parents telling you they are taking you to Disney World. Paul has been SUPER nice, getting up with Mason during the night for the past two nights for me and THEN working all day, cleaning the house, attempting to make dinner/kill us with smoke inhalation, pretty much being SUPERMAN. Obviously I owe him big time - like Playstation 3 BIG TIME.

The only thing is that Mason is a nap-fighter and I am pretty much the only one that knows the rockingshushingpattingOMGthat'stheticket that gets him to go to sleep, usually within 5-10 minutes. So, instead of getting an extra 2 hours of sleep, I pretty much just lay in bed listening to Mason scream and Paul trying everything he can to get him to go down. The catch 22 is that it is so super sweet that Mason loves his mommy BUT damnit I am sicker than hell and showing no signs of getting better because my body is screaming "HEY LADY GET SOME SLEEP and like, FEED YOURSELF something other than cheese and Triscuits!!"

Caught on Camera

He smiles. Sort of.

He was quite excited for the game yesterday...the outcome did not make him smile.

A Word from our Sponsor

I have been meaning to write this entry for a couple weeks now, but of course time slipped away from me. I never felt "right" after Mason was born. I have dealt with anxiety and depression before so I knew the drill, but this was a slow process. I attributed the first couple weeks of the crying and frustration to the baby blues. I even went as far as thinking that the one month mark was still baby blues. This was around the time that my sister-in-law gave me Brooke Shields' book Down Came the Rain. I read it during Mason's naps and cried. I could have wrote a lot of that book myself. I won't go too much into detail about what was going on in my head because it was scary. I would never hurt myself or Mason, but I did want to run away.

Things really came to a head during the fifth week of Mason's life. Paul was growing increasingly frustrated with me and my constant crying. I wasn't sleeping, Mason wasn't sleeping and I just plain wasn't enjoying myself. I knew my 6 week (which fell at the end of the 5th week) post-partum appointment was coming up and I was just trying to survive until then. I knew I needed help. As I said, I had dealt with this before and knew what was going on. I guess I just felt like I could handle it without medication this time. What I didn't take into consideration was that not only was I having to deal with my issues, but I also had to take care of a newborn and try to keep my marriage in tact as well. It just got too hard. I gave in.

I talked to my doctor and she didn't even hesitate to write me a prescription. I told her what I took in college and she gave me the same medication. I knew it would take effect immediately, but I can honestly say that at almost 2 weeks later, I am feeling so much better.

My friends and family obviously knew something was going on with me. I was told that I was not acting like myself and that made me sad. I am doing so much better now and actually starting to enjoy myself. Mason is really starting to interact with us and falling into a great pattern over the course of the day. I like to think it is because we are all so much happier.

I really thought it was important that I get this all out there because of my audience. Know that you are NOT crazy if you start feeling unlike yourself. Get help. Medication is not a bad thing, talking to someone is not a bad thing. You are only human and there is only so much you can handle. I can't remember who said this, or where I heard it, but it is SO TRUE:

Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever love.

Picture Update

I know I have been slacking lately, but "little" man is keeping us super busy! So here are some new photos to hold you over! Enjoy!

Church Halloween:

Playing:

Holy Growth Spurt

We are in the midst of Mason's 6 week growth spurt. I swear this little guy is going to eat us out of house and home! Just when we were stretching feedings to 4 or 5 hours, he decides he is now STARVING every 2-3 hours! He is also sleeping a lot which can be nice when all you feel like all you are doing is preparing bottles, feeding and changing him. Speaking of feeding, I am down to exclusively pumping so Mason can have 2 bottles of breast milk a day. The rest of the time he gets formula. My body pretty much decided this for me and abruptly stopped making large amounts of milk last weekend. I was getting ready to wean soon anyways, so it all worked out.

I will admit I am sad that I am no longer nursing him, but I think it definitely makes for a happier mom AND baby. He was getting really frustrated when he wasn't getting a full feeding from me and it is so sad to watch him go through that.

In other news, Mason now coos a little and is smiling lots in response to people. You have to work at it a little, but it happens! I love his little voice, it has a raspy sound to it - too cute. His next doctor appointment is a little over 2 weeks away and I am so anxious to see how much weight my little linebacker has packed on. I can't believe we are almost at 6 weeks! We really have the hang of things now, all we need is for him to start sleeping through the night and everything would be gravy! Wishful thinking!!

Are you confused? Let me help you.

Hi. This whole going 8 hours without eating starting at 5:30pm instead of, OH say 9:30pm thus giving mommy and daddy a full nights sleep, which equals SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT...it needs to stop. Or adjust itself. Any day now. KTHANKSBYE.

Dairy Farm

In the beginning, breast feeding was definitely a challenge for me. There were numerous freak outs that first weekend and "oh my God Mason is going to DIE because my milk is not in yet". It took almost 5 days before my milk came in and I was able to avoid engorgement but dealt with some sore nipples, God bless Lanolin. Low and behold, he wasn't dying, not even close. He gained 3 ounces of his weight back in 4 days, so he was getting something.

I never intended to breast feed for very long, maybe 2 months. I am just not one of those women that you see nursing their children until preschool (no offense). Call me selfish if you will, but I just never saw myself nursing for an extended period of time. Now that I am at 5 weeks and counting of nursing during the day (he gets formula at night to help him sleep longer) and thinking/starting to wean slowly, I am questioning myself. Nursing has gotten considerably easier, especially since the gremlin has become quite efficient and is no longer pulling marathon nursing sessions. Plus, and this is MAJOR, I am saving a shit-ton of money by not exclusively using formula. Also, feeding Mason via boob is something that no one else shares with us. It is our little special time and I feel so close to him when he nurses knowing that I am the only one that can provide that for him.

That is also a HUGE negative for me- I am the only one that can nurse him. Yes, I pump so Paul/anyone else can feed him but pumping takes up twice the amount of time and needs to be timed correctly = hassle. I am going to slowly wean him off of breastfeeding, I am actually down to nursing him only 3-4 times a day now since he is going 4 hours in between meals. I will say that it is very discouraging out there for mothers who choose to stop nursing or mothers who choose to never nurse at all. People will really make you feel like crap! I started reading all of these articles in attempt to learn how to properly wean and ended up almost in tears because I felt like I was a horrible mother for GASP! wanting to start giving my overly-hungry son a bottle. What ever happened to supporting everyone's decisions?

Dear Mason - 1 Month

Dear Mason,

Today you are one month old and what a trying, challenging and rewarding month it has been. You don't like to sleep during the day for long periods of time. In fact, I am furiously typing this entry scared out of my mind that you are about to start crying for the 18th time in the past hour any second now. You have definitely proven to have such a strong little personality and you teach your dad and I new things about ourselves every day.

You have taught us that we no longer control when we get to shower, eat or talk on the phone. You have also taught us that we are stronger than we thought, and that we continue to get stronger both physically (you and your car seat are heavy!) and mentally. Every day seems to get a little easier with you, and all of the tough moments are always followed with one that makes us smile.

You are really settling into a pattern now and love to be awake and stare at your aquarium or Jacques the Peacock. You always give us a little smile whenever you are about to fall asleep (even if it is only for 10 minutes) and no matter how frustrated or tired we are, it always makes us smile too.

You are a great little nurser now and have shown me that I am good at breastfeeding, making it that much more difficult for me to stop (which I always planned on doing, more on that later). Your butt has been our biggest challenge to date and I think we finally are getting it under control. Who knew I would have such a sensitive little man?! Yesterday at the doctors, you weighed 9lbs 8oz! Slow down! You are growing too fast for me!

As tiring and as much work as you are, we love you more than anything we have ever loved in our lives. We cannot wait to watch you grow and change!