Moving on...soon!

I want to thank everyone that voted on my little poll - I am glad there are actually real people out there who are reading this and care to read more (even if you are all family and fallens) AND even if you all don't AHEM comment all the time.

I am going to go on. I promise. BUT I am happy to announce that on Mason's first birthday, I will be moving on...to another link, a new look, a new name and some new content. I will explain more later, but I will say that you need to check out this blog, because it is one of my best friends and also the wife of the brilliant person who keeps coming up with some sweet ass blog names. And oh yeah, she is about to bust TWO babies out of her. Enjoy!

Abuse by Chicken Costume

No babies chickens were harmed while filming. Seriously though y'all, he's okay, no need to call Child Services.

Abuse by Chicken Costume from Tiffany Luc on Vimeo.

Mason found this costume in a drawer this morning. I had bought it while I was pregnant and it was too big last Halloween, so what else would I do? Friday Fun!

Coming soon: The decision on what to do with the bloggy blog.

Cha cha cha.

Today Mason and I went to Target. We go there a lot. The kid sees red carts and the big bulls eye and starts clapping and pointing and "ooohhhing" and "ahhhhing". We made the usual rounds: women's clothing, baby section, jewelry, milk, seasonal. I threw what I needed into the cart and as I was swiping my card I got that feeling. Not the Wheeling feeling, that feeling. The one where you are like, "NOW. Where is the bathroom? NOW NOW NOW NOW!!!" Problem is, I had already purchased my loot and I had an increasingly antsy 10 month-old in my cart.

I did not have time to put the bags in the car, I did not have time to drive home, I was not leaving my already-purchased items outside the bathroom (let alone my child), I will not eat green eggs and ham, I will not eat them Sam I am. So I did what any desperate mother who does not wear adult diapers would do: I grabbed my purse, child, gallon of milk, 2 kind-of heavy bags and I ran to the bathroom. I took the handicapped stall, hung up my purse (Coach, haaaallllo), one of the bags and put the rest of it on ::shudders:: the floor. Yes, including the kid. Trust, those rickety hooks are NOT strong enough to hold my little man.

I did...well I did what I needed to do all while keeping Mason in the standing position by securing his little hands on my knees and off of the toilet seat. When finished, I grabbed the boy, and the purse and I washed my hands. It was then that I turned around and realized that the stall door had shut AND locked itself behind me. MOTHER! I wanted to cry, I wanted to run, I wanted that new bathing suit that was in my bags! What else was I supposed to do? I sat Mason on the ground and army crawled my ass into the stall, unlocked the door, grabbed my shit and ran. I barely made it back to my cart without dropping my child. I must have looked SUPER classy.

At least it was early morning and the store was filled with other moms that needed to escape their homes. At least I am not showing any signs of infectious diseases, yet. Lastly, as least I didn't poop my pants.

No pleads in this post.

We really haven't been doing much of anything.Which is why I haven't written a worth-while post in a while.I do have a lot to catch you up on, a poll to do, some "loose ends" to tie up, if you will.But I don't feel like it tonight.Because we swam all day. Neener-neener boo boo.

UGH.

Some of you may have had some issues voting for Mason on Monday...evidently the website was VERY unprepared for the amount of traffic the contest was drawing and so now they are STARTING OVER to make it fair. Seriously.

So please - I am on my knees here peeps - vote ONE MORE TIME for Mason. I will give you cyber kisses. Promise.

CLICK HERE PLEASE

You now have until August to vote, but I suggest you do it now so you don't forget. Make sure you tell all of your friends and family - I give the bestest, sloppiest, cyber kisses EVA.

I never ask anything of you...

...readers. So I need this one little favor from you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote for Mason in this local photo contest so he can win $5000 for college. Because, we all know college will cost like, $100,000 by the time he is ready to go. Unless he is a child genius, then I will use the money to buy booze and cigarettes. KIDDING.

Here's the deal: Click the following link and vote MONDAY, JULY 6TH...this is the ONLY day you can vote, so don't forget! Don't pay attention to the horrible grammar mistakes that the entry person made, they wouldn't let her edit it...heh heh...::nervous twitch::

Pass the info along to your friends, family, bum on the street, WHOEVER. You are all looking REALLY skinny today, btw.

Click here --------> ME! ME! <-------------Did you?

And just because you are all so wonderful for doing this, here are some !NEW! photos of Mason for ya. KISSES!

This post brought to you by sunshine.

I figure I haven't done a favorites post in a while and I am loving my first summer as a non-working person/mom so here it goes:

Flea Markets! What could be better? You get to spend some time outside (most of the time), get some good stuff and support local vendors. FleaPortal is a nifty little website to look up flea markets in your area. Check it!

Wading Pools! (and just pools in general) Mason and I have been trying to spend a lot of time outdoors of course and some friends introduced me to the wading pools in our area. They are a foot deep, free, and usually connected to a park. It is so fun and we both get to cool off.

Bike Rides! Mason loves going on bike rides and I get a good workout too. We are lucky enough to be connected to a wonderful trail so we usually ride on that for safety. As far as trailers for your bike, check Craigslist and Target for cheap options. We have a Schwinn trailer and it works perfectly and was only about $150.

What are your favorite things to do in the summer?

Finally, here are some of my favorite products that we are using right now on our big 9 month old boy (sniff, sniff):

Take-n-Toss Section Bowl - this baby has 2 sections for food and a place for a spoon. What could be better? I am really digging this right now since I am giving Mason more than one flavor at once.

KidCo BabySteps Food Mill - This is great for introducing new foods to Mason. I just throw in some fresh stuff, or something we are eating and it grinds it right up. Lately, I have been milling peaches, plums and bananas as well as chicken and beans.

Leachco Easy Teether Rail Guard - "Oh hell no, you are not gnawing on your crib!" Problem solved.

A monster in my house.

There is a monster living amongst us. The evidence:

-Toilet paper rolls are being unraveled.

-Cheerios are strewn about the house.

-There are snot stains on EVERYTHING.

-Coasters from the coffee table are all over the living room.

-Trash cans are being toppled over.

-There are fingerprints, errr paw prints all over anything that is glass in nature.

-Sometimes, I hear faint gasping noises, whines and growls.

"Don't look at me, I didn't do it."

If you, or anyone you know is dealing with the same kind of monster, please let me know so we can begin documenting its behaviors for future reference. With your help, this monster can be stopped.
In other news, a different, less tangible monster is emerging tomorrow. Its name is FIVE-K and I will be slaying that bitch with all my might. I don't know how prepared I am, but I will make good on my promise and do the best I can. Pray for me.
Weight loss so far: 4 pounds! Slow and steady wins the race.

The zoo of laziness.

In weight-loss news, wellll there really isn't any. Memorial Day weekend sure didn't help and I have learned that I have no self control when it comes to pizza or ice cream EEK. I have been making progress in the running department, so that's encouraging. Last week I ran 8 miles total and this week I am going for at least 12. Moving on...

My sister-in-law and I went to the zoo last week and discovered that animals are LAZY. For reals.

Lazy kangaroos

Lazy gorilla

Big lazy cats

Mason really enjoys the zoo because he really enjoys animals of all kinds. Even the lazy kind. I guess he is used to that with Mr. Binx. I mean seriously, get up and DO SOMETHING. You have the life. You don't have to hunt, you get to play all day and you can pick if you want to be outside or inside. What is the effing problem?

There you go. Again, there really isn't that much SUPERDUPEREXCITING things going on around here. Just a bunch of NO NO NO's and chasing and whatnot. Ever since Mason started crawling, I feel like time is speeding up and before I know it my blog is neglected. Poor blog.

Oh, Hi.

I really don't have anything exciting to write about. I guess it's been a week, huh? Well, let's see...I am sure I can ramble on here for a little bit to keep you from your job, husband, wife or kids. Digging deep...




Operation skinny mom is going well I think. I am really proud of how I have been eating minus one night* and I discovered yesterday that I CAN RUN. I was always the girl who skipped gym class the day we had to run the mile and when I hopped on the treadmill at the gym I ran 3 miles without even thinking about it. So I decided that since I do better with long term goals, I should set some. First up: a 5K. I will be running a 5K for the local children's hospital on June 7th. After that, I plan to do a couple more 5K's, some 10Ks, a half-marathon and eventually a full marathon. My ultimate goal is to run the Cleveland marathon next year, but if I only do half, I would be happy with that as well. Think of me.





Mason was baptised this weekend. We are not religious people, but it was something that was important to family, and I am a people pleaser. It makes me feel good as well, but I would have been fine either way. It was fun, very relaxed and of course entertaining since he FLIPPED the F OUT towards the end. *Which is the night I ate pizza, pasta salad and ice cream cake. I cheated. Bite me.

You heard my mom, BITE HER, I do all the time with my 4 rat teeth.

We had a garage sale and wedding last weekend as well. Yes, I am certifiably CRAZY. I came out of everything on Sunday alive (sort of) with an extra $400 in my pocket, a hangover, bloated belly, child that will not go to hell as of yet, and mean farmers tan. Go ME!





I think that about sums it up. We are off to the zoo today because it is going to be gorgeous outside. Wish me luck.

My lovely lady bumps.

Okay Internet people. Mason is closing in on 9 months in approximately 23 days, which if I am remembering correctly is the exact amount of time (give or take a month, give) that it took him to cook inside of me and completely ruin my body or so I thought. After my stomach was given it's new purpose as the PORTAL TO LIFE or SLAB OF MEAT I promptly told myself that I had exactly the same amount of time to get my fat ass back into my WEDDING SHAPE sohelpmejeebus. Weeeeeellllll so, like, that didn't happen? And I was all NO MORE GESTATIONAL KISSMYASS-ABEETUS let's get ice cream! and margaritas! and YEAH.

So here I am, 23 days shy of my deadline which I will never make now, (you will see why) and I have decided that if I just blog about getting my body back and broadcast it to you, oh internets, that you will hold me accountable and I will HAVE to do it.

I don't like relying on a scale to tell me how I am doing, but I will this time for milestone purposes. I usually just like to rely on how my clothes are fitting but how would I get that across to you? "Pants are slightly more loose than yesterday, but could just need a good washing..." SO I will rely on a scale.

Starting weight: 127 (the heaviest I have ever been without a child inside of me)
Wedding (goal) weight: 115
Now before you get all eye-rolly and crap here this: I am 5' 1.5" tall so 12 pounds is HUGE on my frame so suck it.
Current BMI: 23.6
Goal BMI: 21.4 and not having a muffin top. You heard me.

At my first OB appointment at 6 weeks pregnant I weighed in somewhere around 123 I believe which was also right after Christmas and ohmygodcookies. So I have always counted 123 as my "pre-pregnancy" weight so naturally when the scale said 127 I knew I was FAILING.

My next weigh-in will be at the half-way point so in 11 days, also known as May 23rd. Oh, and I totally know that I won't lose ALL 12 pounds in 23 days because BAD but I am hoping to be making progress and will cut myself a little slack on the 9 month thing. Let the games begin!

That day...that was yesterday.

My first official Mother's Day went a little something like this: breakfast in bed with my two favorite guys, a spa visit for a gift (squeeeeeeeeels), family visits, outlet shopping and lots of playing. Oh yeah and then there was this:




Oh Hallo duck family waddling through our dirty garage. I will admit that this may have been theee CUTEST thing I have ever seen (minus my son) and shall prove that I AM NOT DEAD INSIDE DENISE. I think baby ducks are cute even though they shatted all over my rug. Mason thought it was pretty funny and so did some of our neighbors.





Mother's Day also brought on more OHSHIT feelings now that Mason is so close to crawling that he can taste it. And pulling up on.everything.including.in.bathtub.scary. And poop. Lots and lots of poop. I think we have changed at least 15 poopy diapers in the past two days. I swear if another tooth is upon us I may end up in the looney bin. Again. Unless it gets progressively easier? Please tell me it gets easier the more teeth he has.




....

Okay now that I have rambled about everything including poop, here is some lovely Mother's Day mother-son...love.

Sneaky Bastards

Do you know that Babies R Us now offers a rewards program? I feel like they were hush hush about it for a while, but now it is pretty much out there. Sign up. Do you also know that I should have had $15 in rewards coming to me from BRU? Yeah. They should have been to my house by now via snail mail. Do you also know that my HUSBAND likes to throw away mail that looks like it might motivate me to spend more money? You know, like things that come from BRU, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc? Looks like my $15 rewards are now mixed in with my dirty diaper bolster pillows at the landfill. I worked really hard to get those rewards, damnit! I have known his little coupon-pitching secret for a while now but chose to just play dumb wife and pretend like I had no clue. I told him he might have well just throw $15 in the trash BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE DID.

Look who else is getting the SNEAKY BASTARD AWARD: Pampers!! Did you know that they also have a rewards program? You probably do, although I will file this in my "things that they forget to tell you when you have kids" folder. I had to find out for myself one day when I wondered what those damn green stickers were on the inside of my diaper packaging. I guess the big GIFTS TO GROW verbage on the FRONT of the package wasn't enough for me. Hmph.

Another sneaky bastard: The top left front tooth in Mason's mouth. That tooth is an asshole. It wakes Mason up every day at 6am and is all "Let's play! Talk to me and wake up your parents!" I want to be all, "STFU toooooth and come out and face your maker already."

I guess I will just have to SHOP at BRU for DIAPERS and ORAJEL to make up for my LOST REWARD DOLLARS.

You people upset me. Leave me alone.

Practice Makes Perfect?

Evidently, the infamous giant cupcake is a difficult task to achieve. I do not bake. I am not good at it. There are still 4 months until Mason's first birthday. Plenty of time for me to learn and perfect my new craft, right? Then I remembered my Christmas cookie fiasco - who knew that 'softened butter' didn't mean 'microwave-melted butter'.

I present you with my very first attempt at the Wilton Giant Cupcake aka Mason's first birthday smash cake:

It tasted so gooooood. I think I did pretty well for my first try. I didn't buy any icing, so I whipped some up of my own and did some quicky decorations for fun. Let me know if anyone out there wants to hear my technique for baking this beast.

Yes, I am gross.

Before I had Mason, I would see vomit and pretty much vomit myself. I also hated when I could smell even the tiniest bit of someone else's breath, and boogers, ick. Now, NOW I am the booger patrol. I actually get excited when I see crusty boogers hanging out of Mason's nose, or any other baby's nose for that matter. Then there is his breath. I make it a point to stick my nose in his face when he wakes up. I think his breath is the sweetest-smelling thing on earth.

Two nights ago, our poor neighbors were witness to projectile vomiting of turkey and sweet potatoes mixed with a little formula. Usually, this would have triggered my gag reflex immediately, but not anymore. Then when Paul spilled the puke all over the floor and my foot, it was gross but I was more worried about Mason. Poor guy.

Have I talked about his sweat yet? The kid radiates heat from his body and when he wakes up he is soaked with sweat. And I love it. It smells so good! I wish I could bottle his little smells. Minus the poop of course. That NEVER smells good. See what being a mother does to you? Of course BABY sweat and BABY breath and BABY boogers are way cuter than the adult counterpart, I would never go for a cliffhanger in my husband's nose.

Ridiculousismisosityism

Example 1:

His first Easter basket that the Easter bunny hid in our laundry room. It contained an Elmo book, which has become known as THE Elmo book, Mason's Bible, Thy Holiest Elmo Booketh. Once I get my ass in gear and upload the videos off of the video camera, I will have further proof to support my case for the love of the book.

Example 2:

Mason took the book with him to visit his grandma and grandpa.

Example 3:

This is where Mason receives his second Easter basket...errr plus present aka Christmas 2.0. Ballpopper funnnn! Mommy chase the balls because I do not crawl yet! Mommy why are you drinking the wine straight out of the bottle?

Example 4:

Mommy starts taking pictures of things that currently piss her off:

Seriously, can someone tell me when they started adding f'ing SCREWS to toy packages? What, were the impossible twisty-ties not enough to torture parents? Nooooo some dickhead at the toy company decided that babies were evolving and that the twisties weren't strong enough anymore to keep their chubby fingers from getting a hold of that bottle of bubble solution and drinking it down, with their SPECTACULAR coordination and all.

What's even more ridiculous? This post is not over. I have more to add from Easter, but allergies: I haz them. Floaty, disconnected, IMSOHIGH feeling from the allergy medication: I haz that as well and computer screen is giving me headache.

The Tooth.

A couple days ago, Mason bit down on my finger like he does at least 80 times a day. This time, it hurt. I felt something. I nubbin. A TOOTH nubbin. We have been waiting for this little asshole (the tooth) to come out and play for a while now. I knew there was something behind Mason's recent model citizen behavior.

It seems to inch closer and closer to the surface every day, and since we have forced Mason's mouth open every hour to look at the progress, he will no longer let you have a looky, only a feely. So we wait. Along with an incoming tooth comes more FUN stuff like explosive diarrhea, MORE DROOL, babyrexia and more.chewing.more! I cannot begin to tell you how many times he has pooped in the last two days, and the new diaper rash he now has because of it. This is all so exciting! Why did I ever wish he would get his first tooth again?

Dear Mason - 7 Months

Dear Mason,

Sometimes, life happens. Sometimes, mommy is not always on time. This is especially true once the person that used to be called Tiff, is now mom. Before you, I used to be punctual, early even. I was NEVER late. NEVER. I always had a built-in buffer zone of 5-10 minutes so that if something were to happen, I would still be on time. Here I am, no longer Tiff, now mommy-Tiff and look at me. 4 days late on your monthly letter. 10 minutes late for your third swimming lesson (it's only a 30 minute class).

When I realized that I only had 3 minutes to make the 10 minute drive to swimming yesterday, I didn't panic like I once would. I smiled. I looked back at your reflection in your extra-large mirror (another on the must-have list) and I smiled. I was late for a swimming class. Not a client meeting. I have a son, and since I was too busy playing with him to notice the time, I was running late...to his swimming class. The anxiety I once felt is gone. Whether it is mommy's crazy pills, the expensive therapy sessions, or just plain LOVE, the bad stuff has disappeared - all because of a little, fat, happy baby named Mason. You are a rolling machine. ROLLING. Something that once caused me a sleepless night (OMG, my son is BEHIND, there is something wrong, why is he not rolling, he has autism!!!) came and went in a blink of an eye. You roll like crazy. You are normal. There is nothing wrong with you that you didn't inherit from your parents - and that is that you do things on your own time, not when some stupid author/doctor/random lady at the grocery store tells you you should. You are a little fish. You giggle at nothing and everything. You talk to the microwave. You roll. You warm hearts. You light up rooms. You are irresistible. You are mine.You have no idea how incredibly lucky you are. Do you know how many built-in friends you have already? You have 2 cousins that are within 7 months of your age either way, a new friend that was born yesterday, another 3 on the way, and don't forget the 4 other cousins you have that are older, wiser, and probably the ones who will at one point in your life invite you to little sibs weekend at their colleges, or buy you beer when you aren't quite 21. You also have an extended group of baby-friends that are the children of mommy's internet friends. And DOGS! DOGS! are your friends. You love DOGS! Every month gets better and better with you. I go to bed at night thinking, "how can I possibly love him any more?" but somehow, you make me. My heart just bursts every time you smile at me.

Part Two! (aka SEE I didn't forget)

Ahem.

One word. JUMPEROO. Mason could jump in this thing for HOURS and he has. See what a great mom I am? No really, this thing is like heaven on springs.

Sassy Formula Dispenser. I had another brand with only 3 compartments, but then I found this one with FOUR! Mason typically drinks 4 bottles a day now so this is perfect. I fill it up every morning so it is ready for the day. It is so much easier to dump the powder into the bottles from this thing than from the stupid scoop. It is also super convienient to throw in the diaper bag for outings as well.Fisher Price Space Saver Highchair. I hump this thing daily. It doesn't take up any room (hence the name) and is extremely easy to clean PLUS it turns into a booster seat. LASTLY, it is not obnoxious colorWet bags. I use one from Wet Happened? These are perfect to have in your diaper bag. I have two since I rotate two diaper bags. I use them for dirty diapers, soiled clothes, wet bathing suits, food containers, dirty bibs, spoons, etc. I of course wash it (IN WITH THE LAUNDRY!) after soiled items have been in it. Come on now. You need some. Get them.

Again, all pictures are from Babies R Us and Amazon dot com. They also represent the actual colors, patterns and whatevers that I have. Not actual size. No one paid me to do this, but I will accept checks in the mail. Email for address. Have a nice day. Go forth and BUY!

Bubble baby

There are 3 babies in Mason's swimming class. 2 of them are over one-year, 2 of them are the same size as Mason. *snicker* 2 of the 3 started crying when they were lowered into the water. The other one splashed, played and smiled. High five little man, high five.
Excuse the shart-ness of the photos. I was nice to Paul by only making him handle the video camera and the little digital camera, I wasn't sure if he could handle the BIG DOG camera.