"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood."

29w 6d

Dodgeball fans? Anyone? Anyone? Alright then. I met with my registered dietitian (RD for the cool kids) today. I am officially on my second full day of testing my blood, which she wanted me to do, and when I proudly showed her my results (all perfect) and food diary over the last 2 days, she was all "HUH?! Is this how you normally eat?" and I was all, "Pretty much". She laughed, I did too (nervously) and then she pretty much flew through my "meal plan" that she set up on the spot and proceeded to tell me, "Follow this, BUT if you numbers start getting wacky, or low, just go back to what you were doing".

So it was pretty much a joke. Not that the lady wasn't nice (she was very nice) and I am not going to take this seriously (I totally am), I mean it was a joke in the sense that the hobbit that the doctor's office keep in the file room MUST have switched my results with someone else's. Alas, I am STILL a gestational diabetic, I STILL have to test my blood 4 times a day until further notice and I STILL have to be very careful in my food choices, even though I already am. The good news is that I now have a better understanding of when and how much of certain foods that I can eat - including ice cream if I so please. BUT I have to watch the portion and of course count that as my 1 carb and 1 fat for that time of day and the serving is only 1/2 cup and I should aim for low fat, sugar or fat free. Did I just lose you? Don't worry. I am not going to get into the diabetic exchanges - that would be soooo boring.

All in all, it was a good meeting. I really like my RD, she still thought I was funny, and I learned a good bit. The nerd in me can't wait to tear into my new book Choose Your Foods: Exchange Lists for Diabetes and read all about proper portion sizes for foods. I wish it came in a pocket version.

The testing has gone well so far, except that I have to prick myself pretty deep to get a good enough blood sample, it's tons of fun. It's almost like a challenge to me though - I can't wait to see my test result pop up and tell me that I was a good girl at my last meal. He's my new buddy (the test meter), I talk to him and tell him how cute he is. He rewards me with perfect glucose levels, I kiss him goodnight and put him back in his case for a nap. The other guy in the case, Mr. Finger Pricker and his friends the lancets, I don't like them as much so I tend to ignore them and try not to piss them off.

Keep it comin'!

29w 4d STILL.

I swear. I always say that bad things happen in 3's. AND THEY ALWAYS DO.
1. I am diagnosed with gestational diabetes.
2. My health insurance denies the claim for the nice nurse to come to my house and teach me how to make myself bleed 4 times daily. I now have to go to the hospital and meet with a nurse that hacked up a lung while I was on the phone with her. She thinks I am funny though, I am sure we'll get along fine.
3. Are you ready for this? I don't think you are. You might want to get that popcorn out again...my pharmacy just called to tell me that when they ran my insurance info, it came up as "policy terminated".

Carry on.

Turn, turn we almost become dizzy.

29w 4d

It's amazing where support will come from. Some people you never imagine will support you, do. Some people you would think would be considerate and supportive, aren't. Then there are always the people you KNOW will offer support and always come through for you. The reliable ones. Thank you. This weekend was difficult for me to say the least. The tiniest things were setting my frustration off. I blamed myself a lot, even though I know this isn't my fault. I wanted to scream at people, but I refrained. I cried, of course. Last night I woke up thinking about an Oreo Blizzard from DQ. Of course the cravings come now. When I can't have them. Do you know how many Oreo Blizzards I have had since I have been pregnant? ONE. Oh the irony.

"Would you like dessert tonight? Strawberry cheesecake? Double fudge volcano explosion?"
Me: "No."
What I really wanted to say: "NO. Normally I don't get dessert. Only on rare occasions. But since you asked, NO. I can't have those. Even if I wanted to. My body hates me right now. Do you have any celery I could nibble on?!"

"Oh this cake is soooo good..."
Me: "Is it?"
What I really wanted to say: "F you. How dare you throw that in my face. I can't have cake. I hope you choke on it. I don't even like cake anyways. But you know what? You always want what you can't have, right?"

Angry? A little. Frustrated? Completely. Rational? Probably not, as exhibited above. I know these people mean no harm. I know the waitress was only doing her job. I know the cake person was only making small talk. I know I am not being fair, but you know what? I can't help it. I know there are people out there who deal with this their entire life. I have 10 weeks. Maybe I am just being a baby. This would not surprise me since there is one in my abdomen.

In other news, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL!! We love you! Plus, did anyone notice that we are under 75 days now? Also, this blog has reached over 10,000 hits! Thank you all for reading! Now start doing a better job of commenting! Email me if you need help figuring out how. Have a wonderful Monday!

"Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes but I work it out Then I, Look up at the sky My mouth is open wide, lick and taste What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying Turn, turn we almost become dizzy" -DMB

Rehab for defective bodies.

29w 1d

So I guess people like to move fast with this GD (gestational diabetes) shit! I have already spoke with the nurse at the specialist's office and as long as the insurance goes through I should receive my testing kit pretty fast, then a nurse will come to my house and I will have a 2 hour lesson on how to check my blood sugar, what to eat, etc. I will then have to call in my daily results, sounds like a blast right? The program lasts 21 days (just like rehab! I feel like such a celeb) and if I have everything under control at the end of the 21 days, I am discharged from the program. I wonder if they will sing to me when I am done like in the movie? Maybe they will ask me to be in the next diabetes commercial with BB King. See? I am trying to be funny. Trying to cheer myself up.

The nurse on the phone made me feel so good. After she asked me all the "Do you have high blood pressure? Heart issues? Placenta problems? Obesity? etc etc..." she said, "This really came out of left field for you, huh? You are the right weight, super healthy, no issues."
Can I carry her in my pocket from now on? For all the times I am sure people will think that I made this happen, that I did something wrong, that I must be overweight?

I also went home for lunch and cried in Paul's arms for a while. I do have the best husband ever. When I shared my frustration that this is not fair, I eat healthy, I take good care of myself, I know plenty of pregnant women who take horrible care of themselves and never get GD, people are going to think I am a horrible person...do you know what he said? "Who gives a shit what other people think?" And he's right. This is not my fault. This is not my fault.

Failure Part II

29w 1d

So I guess I spoke too soon. I was told I would have the 3 hour results by Wednesday, so when I didn't hear anything all day Wednesday OR Thursday, I thought I was good. Evidently not. I was totally caught off guard this morning when the phone rang. I failed 2 of the 4 tests, thus making me diabetic.

What this means to me: I am a failure. I feel like I have failed myself, but most importantly, this baby. I am really, really embarrassed. Completely lost. They told me I barely failed the first test, how can I fail the second test as well?

What is REALLY (medically) means: According to the Diabetes Association of America, "The placenta supports the baby as it grows. Hormones from the placenta help the baby develop. But these hormones also block the action of the mother's insulin in her body. This problem is called insulin resistance. Insulin resistance makes it hard for the mother's body to use insulin. She may need up to three times as much insulin.

Gestational diabetes starts when your body is not able to make and use all the insulin it needs for pregnancy. Without enough insulin, glucose cannot leave the blood and be changed to energy. Glucose builds up in the blood to high levels. This is called hyperglycemia."

This means that I have to start checking my blood sugar 4 times a day and visiting a nutritionist. I really really have to watch the amount of sugar I take in and "can't have those cookies or candies anymore!" according to the nurse. Funny thing is, I don't really have large doses of cookies and candy anyways.

I have to keep reminding myself that I did not do anything wrong. This is my body. My body just simply does not like being pregnant and cannot keep up it's normal duties and grow a baby. Once I have BL, my body should go back to normal. This doesn't even mean that I will have gestational diabetes in future pregnancies.

What this means for BL: Again, according to the ADA, "When you have gestational diabetes, your pancreas works overtime to produce insulin, but the insulin does not lower your blood glucose levels. Although insulin does not cross the placenta, glucose and other nutrients do. So extra blood glucose goes through the placenta, giving the baby high blood glucose levels. This causes the baby's pancreas to make extra insulin to get rid of the blood glucose. Since the baby is getting more energy than it needs to grow and develop, the extra energy is stored as fat."

If untreated, the baby could get way too big, which would ultimately lead to a c-section (something I DO NOT want) since he would be big and risk shoulder injury during vaginal birth. He would also possibly need to come early to risk him getting too large. Untreated gestational diabetes can also effect babies' breathing at birth since they would have low blood glucose levels.

I need to stop Googling. I WILL get this under control. I have less than 11 weeks to go and what that means to me is that I have less than 11 weeks to make sure that BL comes into this world as healthy as possible. I can't wait to start hearing all of the dumb ass comments people make to me now.